Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
