lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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