did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I bet he comes in French.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
