So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hippo gnu deer
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
