were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
