Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I FOUND THE LEGS
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
