I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You can't special order awesome
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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