the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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