I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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