Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
