New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
