smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize