Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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