i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
