If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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