Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
