I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
