also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
