dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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