VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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