I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize