dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
