yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
