I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
