His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
