Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
