So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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