Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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