how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
how drunk are you?
Several
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
