Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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