she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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