Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i need some magic done to my vagina
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
