also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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