are you still at the devil's house?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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