after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
