We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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