her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
