I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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