just survived the first fart of the relationship.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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