Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
