i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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