You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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