Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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