Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize