Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
