I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
