Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
