Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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