This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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