i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
