I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
