remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
