I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
