So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
