Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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