I wish my penis had an off switch
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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