You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
