well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
