She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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