ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
