Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
