He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
