i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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