Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
