I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
