hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
