It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
