i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
