you're like a bully in the Christmas story
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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