Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
