When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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