Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
