That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
