We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
