Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
