i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
