She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
