8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
