I heard we made out
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
