I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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