Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
