No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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