I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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