This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
