used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
