I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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