So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
