mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
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