If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
