i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
