She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
