shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
