So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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