Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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