I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize