Me. At least after what I've been through.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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