I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
