Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
