she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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