He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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