She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just gargled with NyQuil
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
