College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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